How To Get Out of The Friend Zone

We’ve all had that gay best friend who keeps us in the friend zone for one reason or another. He may flirt with you to keep you on a leash or he may be totally missing the chemistry you two could have. Whatever the reason, you can’t help but feel like your bestie could do so much better, and that better person is you!


1. Pros and Cons

Before you take any action you have to consider what you would be giving up. The reason your friend hasn’t made a move could be because he values the friendship too much. Consider what it would mean to you if he couldn’t reciprocate your feelings of affection. If finding the feelings aren’t mutual means you can’t be friends, than maybe it’s better to keep your love under wraps. If all you want is for them to know, regardless of what happens, than you’re in a good place to tell them.

2. Talk To Your Mutual Friends

You may think you’re stealthy, but chances are your secret pining for affection has not gone unnoticed. If you have mutual friends they will be able to give you some insight into what your object of affection is thinking. Maybe they see the connection between you two and have been shipping you together for years. But if your friends know about your crush and they don’t think it’s a match than they will try to protect you from the disappointment.

3. Don’t Rush It

You’ve decided you want to tell them, you know what you want to say, and you can’t hold it in any longer. You may feel full of momentum right now, but you have to choose the right time for your friend to hear it. Ask yourself when you would want to hear the same thing from him and consider that when choosing your timing.

4. Spend More Time With Your Friend

You may be in the friend zone just because your friend doesn’t know you enough. The more time you spend with someone the stronger your bond will grow and the less they will want to lose you. If they also have secret feelings for you, this quality time can give them a chance to express them. Now’s your chance to show your soon-to-be partner that you guys like the same things and could be compatible.

5. See Who Else Is Out There

If you’re risking your friendship, you really want to be certain that it’s for the right reasons. Sometimes we forget that there’s all kinds of singles in our neighbourhood looking to chat, hookup, and date! If you really are just feeling lonely than you can find someone without threatening your friendship at all. Also you will get a chance to see how dating affects your friend and if they are jealous. If they are a great friend they might just be happy you’re happy, and if they’re not, you’ll still be happy either way!

6. Break The Touch Barrier

If you get intimate with someone you’ve been friends with for a while, it’s going to be awkward. You can bridge that gap by initiating small forms of physical contact. Don’t do anything they wouldn’t consent to, but just a simple hand on the shoulder can be enough to feel the spark.


7. Pick The Right Location

You want to tell your friend in a location where they’re comfortable enough to share their unfiltered feedback. If you ask them in a restaurant, you might not get a straight answer. However, if you take them to a nice, quiet place where you always go to talk, it will feel familiar and unforced. Also, by taking him somewhere he feels comfortable you are showing him how well you know him.

8. Tell Him Honestly

This is the hardest part but easily the most important. If you didn’t feel the need to tell him, you wouldn’t be reading this, and you deserve to tell your friend what’s on your mind. However, this isn’t the time to make an ultimatum or to try to get an answer out of him. Instead just open up about what you’ve been thinking and how you care about him. If you followed the other steps, chances are he likes you too and he will just be relieved to be hearing you say it.

9. Be A Boyfriend

Being a friend is one thing but being a boyfriend is a whole other ball game. Your best friend hears all your problems and your boyfriend has to help solve them. There’s things you’d do for your bae that you’d never do for your BFF and you have to be prepared for that.

10. Deal With It

If it didn’t go as Number 9 suggests, then I’m sorry to hear that. “The best revenge is a life well lived” so get out there and find someone even better. It might help to give your bestie some space while he digests the news. All you need to focus on is you and your next rebound. If he was a good friend than he’ll still be a friend, even when you’ve found a better boyfriend.